Taken from February 28 edition of the Futbolero section:

First, about the Copa Libertadores: it is the biggest tourney in South American pro soccer, where every nation sends its best pro teams to play one another over a long tournament. It is currently in stage 1, and two Ecuadorian teams remain: Independiente del Valle, and Emelac. As always, all information was gratuitously taken from here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Copa....

"Decoroso y nada mas" This was a tough way to start my translation process. Decoroso is not a common word. So thanks for that asshole editor somewhere in Quito. How about we just use regular words. This is not a Grantland article. Google translated it as "Decorous but no more". Okay, we will just move on to the subtitle, hopefully give us some context:

"La derrota del cuadro sangolquileno no tuvo matices dramaticos ni burdos". Sangolquilenos threw me for a real loop. Luckily, a wikipedia search of the teams involved revealed that Independiente plays in Sangolqui, so that mystery is solved. "La derrota del" means "the defeat of", so that is simple enough. "Cuadro" means either "picture" or "table" or "box", depending on where you look. I think what this means is "square". So the team was playing rigidly, maybe? The second half of the subtitle roughly translates to "had no nuance or drama." Classic "our team got handled" language. Sound familiar (http://deadspin.com/canada-blows-o...) to anyone?

Well, the title and subtitle were brutal, but the body gets a little bit easier. First, we get a classic sportswriter opening line: The defeats had distinct shades. Great stuff. Then we compare how this game was similar to the other Copa series involving an Ecuadorian team: Emelec (from Guayaquil) versus Flamengo (from Rio). I think maybe both Ecuadorian teams won to start the series, or else Emelec lost, and then failed to respond. I am only one paragraph in and already too lazy to go to google.

The next paragraph is a another classic: basically, it comes down to motor, dammit! "From the start, "de enfranter el partido" which is literally "to face the game". I am pretty sure this is just spanish for "game face", which we all know is the key to winning a game. He also mentions that it was the players faces, and not just the game plan that produced a victory. This is the kind of game breakdown I will pay 30 cents for any day!

Then he says that Emelac (another Ecuadorian team in the Copa) was afraid, but Independiente came out with an attitude that was resolute and dynamic. How can a team be resolute and dynamic, and still lose!? Personally, I suspect some of that attitude might have been just for show. Also, it is worth noting that Guayaquil is sort of Calgary to Quito´s Edmonton. Guayaquil is bigger and more cosmopolitan, but Quito is the capital city. And if they are anything like Calgary, Guyaquil is also full of dickheads in jacked up trucks that are only used to get to the parking beneath the corporate headquarters of whichever oil company you work at.

However, things did not go well for Independiente. Literally, "not everything was coloured red, like the shirt of Pablo Repetto". Repetto is the manager of Independiente, and I guess he was wearing a red shirt? Take that Pablo.

Now we get into some action: the first 30 were a complicated attack, hampered by a defense which has not been as good as they were in 2013. Who was attacking and who was defending? I literally have no idea. But he does use the word "aplomo" which translates to "aplomb", which I then had to look up in an English dictionary. Hey dickhole, this is a sports page, designed for guys to read at coffee breaks between smashing holes in the concrete where people really need to walk, which so far is the only type of labour I have seen in this city.

After this initial attack by someone, Independiente repeated a strategy seen in years past in the Copa Sudamericana (the other big continent-wide pro tourney, except this one has Mexico). Whether this is an insult to the manager for using stale tactics or a reference to something great in the past, I will never know.

Just a moment to point something out here: there is a full on professional sport season happening right now, and these teams are playing in a completely different tournament at the same time. Yikes. Not too mention if they are good and have to deal with national team qualifying (for a South American tourney, as well as the World Cup, which I hear is kind of a big deal). So yeah, NHL owners you can stick that 2 week break every 4 years right up your ass.

Two players for Independiente (Junior Sornoza and Daniel Angulo) were having a good game, causing trouble for the home defense. Fernando Guerrero was hurt and was replaced by apparently suitable backup Armando Solis, who continued the.... collation train? I have no idea.

The awesomely named keeper for Independiente Librado Azcona made two good saves, I think. Google translates hilariously translates this section to include "2 balls that were fixed to the bottom of your post". That is just too easy of a dick joke, so I will let it lie.

Jesus Solis also missed an easy goal at 38 minutes, but kicked it wrong. Idiot.

At 55 minutes, San Lorenzo, expressionless-ly got a goal by way of Angel Correa. I love the idea that these guys are just a bunch of Argentinian terminators out there. However, it does make one wonder how an expressionless team could beat one so dynamically game-faced. Almost as if the tactical decisions do factor into sports....

Independiente responded, but without forcefulness. Daniel Angulo had a final chance, but was without luck.

Okay, this weekend is Carnaval, so hopefully there will be something happening in the Old Town tomorrow, and hopefully I will get another article up.